After reading that last post, I've got a huge, ear-to-ear smile on my face. It's funny what life throws at us (or hands to us, but because of procrastination feels like an unforgiving fastball) and how it all works out eventually. Granted, my "issues" consist of getting through school--something I'm lucky to attain, so I shouldn't really be complaining at all, but it's all relative and I'm working through what I've got. My point is this: time keeps going. Whether I'm ready or not. Moments will pass. Joyous moments, sad moments, stressful moments, awkward moments. They all dissolve and blend together into a muddy swamp of time. Eventually it becomes hard to decipher what was felt when, and I find a lot of comfort in that when I'm apprehensive about the days ahead. There was a point two weeks ago where I didn't feel like I'd ever make it to the next Monday, yet here I am...surviving not only that Monday but a week and a day later to Tuesday! Life is good! I've got two exams before Ecuador...perhaps a little stressful, but Ecuador is going to come whether I'm ready for those tests or not. It's comforting that I can release a little of my desire to micromanage to the inevitability of time passing.
Whew. And here is Ecuador! I never thought it would get here! It still seems a little surreal, but it's coming at a good time. We've prepared and prepared for the adventure ahead, but I hope that I can get all of my wiggles from this quarter out on the plane so I can approach the week with a pure heart and clear mind. I want to find a place where I can be present with those around me and fully immerse myself in the experience. I'm anxious to be vulnerable and malleable. Please think of me next week!
And I'm back to the books,
R-
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
An Update.
Where did February go?
I opened my electric bill on Tuesday after what I thought was only a week of neglecting it. Turns out, it had been almost a month and I opened it the day it was due. Shoot. I had to frantically collect from the roomies and mail it off, all the while rolling my eyes at myself. What am I doing?! I can't seem to hold my life together. I have a home visit and write up due Monday and I haven't even spoken with my patient's caregiver yet. I have a group project meeting in two hours and I'm writing in this blog instead of doing some very necessary research. I thought to myself, "self, why are you getting on blogger instead of reading up on appalachian mountain children?" and I came to the necessary conclusion that I need to take a minute to sit and think. Not about school, not about work, not about clinical, not about anything. I need a moment to think and appreciate.
So here I am. It's March 5. The quarter is drawing to a close and I'm scrambling to keep up with it. In this scramble, I've been alerted (by 3 of the dearest people in my life) as to how I have a tendency to self-isolate when I'm stressed. I'm not stressed...I don't like that word. A lot has been occupying my mind as of late and in working through that foggy mess, I've left some important people by the wayside. For that, I'd like to sincerely apologize. I'm a closet introvert. Maybe I'm not in the closet and my introversion is fairly obvious, but I have a nasty habit of closing up like a clam when I feel overwhelmed. I'm working on that.
That said, now that the light at the end of the tunnel is slowly dissolving this cloud I've wrapped myself in, I feel just as overwhelmed, but in a more productive way. I am so thankful for my community. For my best friend who had the courage to phone me up and shake some sense into me, for my friends here at school who are just as concerned for my wellbeing as they are for theirs, for everyone who showed up (or tried to) to Battle of the Bands to show their support, for my parents who are always no more than a ferry ride away when things get tough, for friends far away who send me emails filled with encouragement and stories about the amazing things they are doing. I have a great life. I have great people in this great life. I am one loved human being and at this moment I am overwhelmed with gratitude and love. So, thank you everyone.
I am still learning,
R-
I opened my electric bill on Tuesday after what I thought was only a week of neglecting it. Turns out, it had been almost a month and I opened it the day it was due. Shoot. I had to frantically collect from the roomies and mail it off, all the while rolling my eyes at myself. What am I doing?! I can't seem to hold my life together. I have a home visit and write up due Monday and I haven't even spoken with my patient's caregiver yet. I have a group project meeting in two hours and I'm writing in this blog instead of doing some very necessary research. I thought to myself, "self, why are you getting on blogger instead of reading up on appalachian mountain children?" and I came to the necessary conclusion that I need to take a minute to sit and think. Not about school, not about work, not about clinical, not about anything. I need a moment to think and appreciate.
So here I am. It's March 5. The quarter is drawing to a close and I'm scrambling to keep up with it. In this scramble, I've been alerted (by 3 of the dearest people in my life) as to how I have a tendency to self-isolate when I'm stressed. I'm not stressed...I don't like that word. A lot has been occupying my mind as of late and in working through that foggy mess, I've left some important people by the wayside. For that, I'd like to sincerely apologize. I'm a closet introvert. Maybe I'm not in the closet and my introversion is fairly obvious, but I have a nasty habit of closing up like a clam when I feel overwhelmed. I'm working on that.
That said, now that the light at the end of the tunnel is slowly dissolving this cloud I've wrapped myself in, I feel just as overwhelmed, but in a more productive way. I am so thankful for my community. For my best friend who had the courage to phone me up and shake some sense into me, for my friends here at school who are just as concerned for my wellbeing as they are for theirs, for everyone who showed up (or tried to) to Battle of the Bands to show their support, for my parents who are always no more than a ferry ride away when things get tough, for friends far away who send me emails filled with encouragement and stories about the amazing things they are doing. I have a great life. I have great people in this great life. I am one loved human being and at this moment I am overwhelmed with gratitude and love. So, thank you everyone.
I am still learning,
R-
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