An Update.

Where did February go?

I opened my electric bill on Tuesday after what I thought was only a week of neglecting it. Turns out, it had been almost a month and I opened it the day it was due. Shoot. I had to frantically collect from the roomies and mail it off, all the while rolling my eyes at myself. What am I doing?! I can't seem to hold my life together. I have a home visit and write up due Monday and I haven't even spoken with my patient's caregiver yet. I have a group project meeting in two hours and I'm writing in this blog instead of doing some very necessary research. I thought to myself, "self, why are you getting on blogger instead of reading up on appalachian mountain children?" and I came to the necessary conclusion that I need to take a minute to sit and think. Not about school, not about work, not about clinical, not about anything. I need a moment to think and appreciate.

So here I am. It's March 5. The quarter is drawing to a close and I'm scrambling to keep up with it. In this scramble, I've been alerted (by 3 of the dearest people in my life) as to how I have a tendency to self-isolate when I'm stressed. I'm not stressed...I don't like that word. A lot has been occupying my mind as of late and in working through that foggy mess, I've left some important people by the wayside. For that, I'd like to sincerely apologize. I'm a closet introvert. Maybe I'm not in the closet and my introversion is fairly obvious, but I have a nasty habit of closing up like a clam when I feel overwhelmed. I'm working on that.

That said, now that the light at the end of the tunnel is slowly dissolving this cloud I've wrapped myself in, I feel just as overwhelmed, but in a more productive way. I am so thankful for my community. For my best friend who had the courage to phone me up and shake some sense into me, for my friends here at school who are just as concerned for my wellbeing as they are for theirs, for everyone who showed up (or tried to) to Battle of the Bands to show their support, for my parents who are always no more than a ferry ride away when things get tough, for friends far away who send me emails filled with encouragement and stories about the amazing things they are doing. I have a great life. I have great people in this great life. I am one loved human being and at this moment I am overwhelmed with gratitude and love. So, thank you everyone.

I am still learning,
R-

Did You Know I Was Struck by Lightning Seven Times?

Now that the water fountain coming out of my eyes has stopped and my nose has ceased its running I have to process some of the beauty of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Though a different kind of beauty than the Fall or Baraka, Ben Button gave me the almost uncomfortable feeling that I was intruding on something too intimate for anyone but those involved to understand. My investment in the characters grew as they did; that is, my heart was fond of Benjamin from the beginning backwards, while it took me a little longer to fall in love with Daisy as she grew up. This film embodies every manifestation of love and connects it to the cycle of each person's existence. It gives hope that someday we will all have the same opportunity for those different kinds of love, but that we'll only realize it in looking back because we're too young to fully grasp that now. I am moved.

"Life can only be understood looking backward. It must be lived forward,"
R-

Inauguration Day

This is a letter written by Alice Walker, Pulitzer Prize winner for The Color Purple, to our president Barack Obama. I received it in an email and thought it worthy to pass along.

Dear Brother Obama,

You have no idea, really, of how profound this moment is for us. Us being the black people of the Southern United States. You think you know, because you are thoughtful, and you have studied our history. But seeing you deliver the torch so many others before you carried, year after year, decade after decade, century after century, only to be struck down before igniting the flame of justice and of law, is almost more than the heart can bear. And yet, this observation is not intended to burden you, for you are of a different time, and, indeed, because of all the relay runners before you, North America is a different place. It is really only to say: Well done. We knew, through all the generations, that you were with us, in us, the best of the spirit of Africa and of the Americas. Knowing this, that you would actually appear, someday, was part of our strength. Seeing you take your rightful place, based solely on your wisdom, stamina and character, is a balmfor the weary warriors of hope, previously only sung about.

I would advise you to remember that you did not create the disaster that the world is experiencing, and you alone are not responsible for bringing the world back to balance. A primary responsibility that you do have, however, is to cultivate happiness in your own life. To make a schedule that permits sufficient time of rest and play with your gorgeous wife and lovely daughters. And so on. One gathers that your family is large. We are used to seeing men in the White House soon become juiceless and as white-haired as the building; we notice their wives and children looking strained and stressed. They soon have smiles so lacking in joy that they remind us of scissors. This is no way to lead. Nor does your family deserve this fate. One way of thinking about all this is: It is so bad now that there is no excuse not to relax. From your happy, relaxed state, you can model real success, which is all that so many people in the world really want. They may buy endless cars and houses and furs and gobble up all the attention and space they can manage, or barely manage, but this is because it is not yet clear to them that success is truly an inside job. That it is within the reach of almost everyone.

I would further advise you not to take on other people's enemies. Most damage that others do to us is out of fear, humiliation and pain. Those feelings occur in all of us, not just in those of us who profess a certain religious or racial devotion. We must learn actually not to have enemies, but only confused adversaries who are ourselves in disguise. It is understood by all that you are commander in chief of the United States and are sworn to protect our beloved country; this we understand, completely. However, as my mother used to say, quoting a Bible with which I often fought, "hate the sin, but love the sinner." There must be no more crushing of whole communities, no more torture, no more dehumanizing as a means of ruling a people's spirit. This has already happened to people of color, poor people, women, children. We see where this leads, where it has led.

A good model of how to "work with the enemy" internally is presented by the Dalai Lama, in his endless caretaking of his soul as he confronts the Chinese government that invaded Tibet. Because, finally, it is the soul that must be preserved, if one is to remain a credible leader. All else might be lost; but when the soul dies, the connection to earth, to peoples, to animals, to rivers, to mountain ranges, purple and majestic, also dies. And your smile, with which we watch you do gracious battle with unjust characterizations, distortions and lies, is that expression of healthy self-worth, spirit and soul, that, kept happy and free and relaxed, can find an answering smile in all of us, lighting our way, and brightening the world.
We are the ones we have been waiting for.
In Peace and Joy, Alice Walker

Happy Inauguration Day!
R-

Dreams Create Change

"True compassion is more than flinging a coin at a beggar; it comes to see that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring." --MLK 4.4.1967

Happy Dr. Martin Luther King Day,

R-

We are the change!

Wow, can I just gloat for a minute about having the best job in the entire world? My time at Gatzert with Treehouse has been so formative and inspiring. I swear, I learn more from these kiddos than they do from me.

Friday I was given the opportunity to walk with my kids during their annual MLK march to Jefferson and around 13th back to school. They had made signs that said stuff from "peace" to "don't drink and drive" and what they deemed other important messages. On the flipside, half had decorated their signs with pictures of Obama and the others had MLK's face glued onto their rulers. The entire school, Kindergarten-5th grade, teacher, principals, custodial staff, lunchladies, volunteers, etc marched together for peace and remembrance. It was a beautiful thing. One of my kids, Rosy, held my hand and we yelled "We can do it! Yes we can!" the entire half hour. It really charged me to see a sea of kids in front of me and behind me yelling "We are the change!" and sincerely believing it! For so many of them, they've been broken by "the system" and have been labeled as dumb or troublemakers or not worth it. For this half an hour, every student believed in him/herself and each other and it brought tears to my eyes to witness that. I am so proud of them and so energized at the beauty of these kids. Their hearts are in the right place, and I think we can all learn from that.

Enlightened and inspired,
R-

Let's Pause Time for 8 Minutes and 28 Seconds

I've been conditioned to appreciate classical music but it's not a genre that I usually care to include on my playlists. However, I have to admit that when I was eight years old and only a few years into piano lessons my parents took me to hear the Bremerton Symphony perform Beethoven's seventh. It is the first time I can remember being moved to tears by music. To this day, no matter how many times I watch The Fall or hear it come up on a playlist, there is something about the second movement of that symphony that captures my soul.

Pretty darn good for a deaf guy,
R-

The Bed and Crack

I think my neighbors are crack dealers.

Of course I'd say that. I live in the Central District where every other night I hear what could be interpreted as a gunshot, firework, or crappy car backfiring. Two houses down in one direction hosts a menagerie of pit bulls, cats, birds, and a screaming old woman. A few houses down in the other direction hosts two large dogs who sit on the roof and howl. While some houses on the block are gleaming products of gentrification, the majority are run down with broken shutters, rusty gates, and overgrown yards. Of course I'd play it up and say that my neighbors are drug dealers whether it was true or not. The setting is perfect, why not add in a few seedy characters?

However, what say you to this? It all started back in October when one of my roommates brought her car from home. She unknowingly parked with her bumper semi blocking the entrance to their driveway. Later that night she retrieved this note clumsily taped to her windshield. Rude, right? Uncalled for, even. What kind of reaction is that? Clearly the one of someone cracked out and pissed off. My roommate went over in the evening to apologize and she rang the doorbell. I was spying from our front door, could see that they were home but they didn't respond to the knocks or the doorbell. Hmm...that's when we started to wonder.

Then, a few weeks later it was getting to be Halloween. They put a huge, almost glowing skull poster up in their window, which got a startled reaction from my roommates and I the first (and second and third) time we walked by it. Yes, it was creepy. Our front walkway is level to their living room so in leaving our house it's impossible to not look in their window unless one was to stare at the ground while walking. A day later, the same poster showed up in that window. It was clearly for my roommates and me as no one else would be able to see that window from the street. Yikes. Possibly retaliation for the car incident? We had to live with that for over a week.

In accordance with previous decoration habits, our neighbors then got into the Christmas spirit (which we believe is a front) because although their house is decked out in "happy holidays" banners and snowmen, they also cardboarded their windows for a few weeks time. A day or two before the cardboard went up, we noticed a grill in their living room. I don't know anything about crack, but if a grill is involved, that's pretty suspicious. Why else would a grill be in the living room rather than the backyard? They gave us a couch when we first moved in this summer. It's hollow on one side. To stash drugs or money, I'm sure. My neighbors are weird. We're trying to play it cool and not interact with them. It's a pretty sketch situation. The final clue is this: Ever since we've moved in, cars have been driving up to the house and parking outside of it. The owners rarely leave their cars and instead, someone comes down to talk to the driver and then goes back into the house. I can't tell if there's an exchange or not, but it's pretty suspicious that no one leaves the car and it seems to be a different car and person every time. Once I saw a guy in a cowboy hat. Totally not the "type" to be hanging out with my neighbors. Haven't seen him since.

Quoth Mr. Rogers, "It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood,"

R-